Fiction Friday Oct 12

This Week's Theme: Use this quote as the spark for anything you want. "I'm not one for sentimental endings. Not this time." There used to be a time when family was all important to me. I would rush home from work to be with my wife and sons but sometimes this change. I can't say exactly when it changed but I know it did. I stopped feeling lost without my familt. Instead I felt lost with them as well. I don't know if my family made this happen or if it was something internal in myself. I am not sure still if it was completely internal or if in some way something external made me change. But I guess the important fact is that something changed. Something neither good nor bad but something simply alien. I no longer care. It could be that maybe as I got older my view point matured. Maybe it was the inevitable that made it so. After all why would someone who is destined to shrivel up, die and decompose care about anyone else. There is no continuity to maintain. There is no family name that means anything more than historical trivia. This kind of thinking mind you is self defeating. It gets into a never ending loop that you cannot logically attack. If there isn't any thing to an after life, the only logical thing is there is no real pupose to this life. It is very hard to escape that thought. Most people look to the unknowable for the answer to this. They look towards musty old tomes of ramblings of what sound like madmen. The we take this for dogma, and live our lives by this. The people who think they are educated call themselves agnostic and think this means more than atheist. The religious people live through their lives believing in something that is unprovable. And the athiests usually take a gun to their head unless they become shallow and think not too deeply. So I guess it comes down to me asking you to excuse my inability to feel sad or sentimental here as I lay in my deathbed. The cancer has eaten all my innards up. They used to call cancer consumption because that is what it does. But as I look around my bedside at all the family sitting close. Ghoullike watching for the end with tears streaming down their faces. Letting my death remind them that we all await the same fate. Here I lay without a belief in god I cannot find a reason to be sentimental. I look forward to dieing and leaving this life and finding out what is next. If it is nothing...well that is just fitting. If there is something then I am gonna rage for a while and find out why it has to be a big god damn secret....
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